My Father's Touch

I can remember
the belt
brown on one side
black on the other
perhaps an inch thick
and worn
the fear
of actually turning
my back on him
I've seen movies
depicting lashes
all suffered by heros
it's not the same
as the sinking feeling
of being beaten
instead of cuddled
thrashed
instead of caressed
by someone
who might have loved you

there was no affection
in the history of
my father's touch